One Day Competition - President Cardinals vs LPW, Sydenham Park #3, Presidents, 9th January 2016
Slip, slop, slap is the mantra of the Kiwi summer. Funny that we’ve never previously established that too much slop can result in a slip that deserves a slap.
So it was that Phil B, fielding the first ball of the 2016 season on the square leg boundary with sunscreen still on his hands, managed to slip the ball backwards out of his hand when intending to rifle the ball back to the keeper. Hilarity, but no further runs, ensued. And it was about the only luck LPW had all day. Waza Guy was into his work early, picking up the first wicket in the fifth over after fourteen minutes, removing Horgan via Flem at gully, with the score at 12. Clearly nobody had given Rangi an off switch for Christmas, and he proceeded to bat, commentate the game and coach his batting partners, seemingly in the believe the greenish pitch contained a multitude of demons, reminding us frequently that we had to bat on it too. We hoped the coaching at least might stop when Spurdle rattled off four boundaries of one Waza over, but were denied. In the end, Jason Millar, steaming in from the other end like he’d just stepped out of a 1980s Rothmans sponsored Test Series did it for us, removing Spurdle without further damage in the ninth over, with the score at 31. Two for 31 became three for 34 when Jase bought a second wicket – that of Rangi, with a well taken mid-wicket catch by Waza, giving him an average of $75 per wicket, vastly superior to the $250 with his single scalp of last season.
Three for 34 became four for 35 when Flem bowled Field for a duck. Flem also picked up the wicket of Hayward, also bowled. By this stage LPW’s innings had become a car crash, a point clearly symbolised by the actual car crash on Colombo Street when a learner driver in a Subaru failed to multi-task the cellphone and arse-bunted the car in front, ramming it into the car in front of it. Just like the LPW innings, the car dropped its guts all over the road and a similar chain reaction followed. The score had ticked through to 55 when Ralphy bowled a short, wide rancid stinking sh#t of a delivery that Hamel flicked around the corner to the waiting paws of Phil B, who took the catch two-handed inches off the deck. Best to ask someone else about that, because Phil can’t recall the ball being bowled or hit – though it seems likely the catch will be remembered for a while. Another highlight was Laughts lifting Phil into the air afterwards - without causing injury to Phil or himself. It was the first wicket in a devastating Ralphy spell that ended any resistance LPW might have had left. After going for 11 in his first over, Ralphy finished 5.3 overs with only another three runs scored, finishing up 5-14 in a spell that featured three maidens. It was raining ducks, but last man in Mallard unfortunately made one run, before becoming Ralphy’s fifth victim, for LPW to finish 87 all out in the 28th. Of the bowlers, Ralphy 5.3 overs, three maidens, 5-14. Waza Guy 4 overs, one maiden, 1-19, Jase Millar, 8 overs, two maidens 2-23, Flem 5 overs, 1 maiden, 2-9, Brent Dunn 3 overs 0-13 and JK 2 overs, one maiden. 0-1.
Into bat and it was over fairly quickly, Laughts was the only wicket to fall, for 31 off 24 balls, including a six that somehow found its’ way into in the rubbish over the back fence. Matt broke his bat in making 37 not out, and Tim Murdoch contributed 19 at the other end for Cardinals to win by nine wickets in the 13th over.
Man of the Match: Brenden Winder
Check out the scorecard from the game.
Ed: Niven's action would have to go close to the most unsporting and biggest piece of cheating I think I've seen in over 40 years of cricket! Soured a good game of cricket.